Dead Body Flakes.

Artist Marco Evaristti is working with Texas inmate and murderer of 3, Gene Hathorn on an anti-capital-punishment exhibit. The exhibit will be staged after Hathorn's execution. The murderer's body is to be frozen, then made into flakes that museum visitors could feed to goldfish. Evaristti is most noted for his 2000 exhibit in which he placed live goldfish in several electric blenders and invited museum visitors to turn them on. WOW.

Is it really too much to ask?

Someone please be Baberaham Lincoln for Halloween!
PLEASE?

Cookin By The Book. Featuring Lil' Jon

Pitchfork gives Jay Reatards Matador Singles '08 an 8.2

Pretty much right on, but. . .
I still think Pitchfork is for assholes.

Hot Chip's Alexis Taylor squeezes out solo album

Yep! And, it includes a Paul McCartney cover!

Because touring, recording and remixing every song from the last year hasn't killed him yet, Alexis Taylor of Hot Chip, the one with the old man hipster glasses, has just released a solo joint.

"Rubbed Out" includes a cover of Paul McCartney's "Coming Up", and it's available this very moment from Treader.
Think he was just trying for some unsavory comments when naming it?
Hmmmm.

Another reason I hate being poor.

I will be missing over 1,000 bands in New York City.
Dammit all.
Hope you go! Check out the site for massive line-ups, which you can search by venue and date.
IM GREEN.

Man names his newborn after McPalin Republimart.

WHAT?
Yes. It's true.
A father of a newborn girl has secretly named his offspring after the Republican ticket. Sarah McCain Palin was barely born when Mark Ciptak of TN penned the name on the documents for the poor child's birth certificate. The baby, who was supposed to be named Ava Grace, will certainly be doomed for greed, idiocy and religious fanaticism - but hey! Maybe she will hunt real good-like!
"I don't think she believes me yet,"said Mr. Ciptak to the Kingsport Times-News. 'It's going to take some more convincing." Ciptak, a said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to 'to get the word out' about the campaign.
Good way to do it! Enjoy divorce!!

Dennis Leary is a fucking idiot.

I have no liking towards this ignorant man after the release of his book, "Why We Suck." In this book he calls Autism a joke.
You know what I think is a joke? Someone who tries to write about the idiocy of America, and then turns out to be one himself!
Here is a big FUCK YOU to Leary from me.
He states that the boom in autism is due to lazy mothers and competitive fathers who simply want an excuse for why their children cannot compete academically.
"I don't give a shit what these crackerjack whack jobs [psychiatrists and counselors] tell you — yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."
REALLY?
Really.
Well, take it from someone who has worked with autistic children, and seen the lives of the children, their family and their classmates be turned upside down because of this disease. These people are not lazy or stupid. In fact, they have probably triple the IQ of Leary.
That's enough about this rant.
I don't want to give this moron the time of day.

Oh Blog, How I Have Missed You

I am stealing a few minutes to say that Monday I will have my blog up and running again. I cannot wait.
Things are going good.
I am 30.
I have a job.
I am just below the poverty line, not way below.
I am going to start making music again.
Hooray for that.
I will post a more interesting and not self-centered blog Monday.
Toodles.

Altitude and Poverty. Not SO Bad After All... a random ass post.

Well, I have searched high and low for jobs in every field I can possibly handle.
Still no sign of income in the near future that doesn't involve freelance writing. Which is a bummer.
I do have a second interview at a restaurant where all of the waitresses/bartenders are unbelievably good looking and the clientelle is male and rich.
Not my usual scene, but hey. If they want me, I guess I cannot say no.
I will stick out like a sore, tattooed thumb, but c'est la vie. To each their own, I suppose.
I applied at this really awesome place, called Sputnik. I am dropping off a resume tonight, so cross your fingers for me. I want to work there.
I am poor. Really.
I am POOR.
It is frustrating and stressful. I cannot go out and do the things I wish because I have to save money for necessities like, say, groceries. I still feel like a tourist. I have yet to feel like I fit in. Soon, I hope.
I have met some wonderful ladies, who have sort of adopted me. Thank god for them, or I would be completely bored and insane.
I cannot afford to get a new monitor, so I am blogging from the library, which is why this post it so boring, ranty and pictureless, since I cannot upload or download anything on the computer. Also, I only have 30 minutes to use the computer.
On the bright side of things, I get to check out a plethora of books to keep me busy. And it is free.
Everyone is friendly here. Not that fake, Minnesota nice kind of friendly. Just honestly happy. And caring. My neighbors all say hello. People are polite to each other. No one laughs at my rusty spanish.

Oh! I officially got my Colorado State Drivers License today. The DMV was a scene straight out of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Seriously. No clue as to whether my pic turned out horrid or pleasant, since they wouldn't let me look.
How exciting! I have that to look forward to, atleast.
So, in Denver I am constantly getting headaches, which apparently is due to dehydration from high altitude.
I can afford water though, so I will be hydrating until the cows come home.
BUT
Even though all of these things aren't the greatest - I am doing well. I love the scenery and am finding my way.
I have a feeling that soon, I will be happy.

Since this post is so random, I may as well throw in a list of the things I am missing most:
Going places, anywhere in the Twin Cities and running into people I know.
Making music.
The Triple Rock and its delicious Po'Boy.
Tum Rup Thai.
Hans.
Ash.
Laura.
Teeny.
Nicole and Kev.
Mom and Dad.
Katia.
Toby.
Sparks.
Biking.
The lakes. Man, I miss the lakes.
Money.
Working, oddly.
Rad shows.
And so much more.
Hope everyone is well.
Sorry for the amazingly dumb and boring blog.
Love you all.
J

Monolith Festival, Day 1. A Few Opinions from a Chesty Midwestern Broad.

Atmosphere played on, through a wind and rainstorm

Here is the lineup from day 1 of this behemoth festival!
Devotchka
Vampire Weekend
The Fratellis
Cut Copy
Superdrag
Foals
Atmosphere
Del the Funky Homosapien
Mickey Avalon
Holy F**k
The Muslims
The Veils
White Denim
Liam Finn
Port O' Brien
Lovelikefire
The Presets
The Night Marchers
A Place To Bury Strangers
The Photo Atlas
Blitzen Trapper
The Morning Benders
Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons
PWRFL POWER
Rock Plaza Central
KaiserCartel
The Morning Benders

So, my first week in Denver has been an adventure. I have been excited, sad, homesick, bored, drunk, happy and a.o.k.
When my phone rang on Thursday, I was excited to hear the voice of my friend Isaac who is currently on the road with my Twin City Darlings, Atmosphere. I had been contemplating pooling what little savings I had and attending Monolith, but thanks to Isaac, I was in like Flynn and relieved that I could save my money for necessities, like wine, beer, tampons, cigarettes, gas and my highest priority: avocados. (I have an unhealthy obsession).
As you can imagine, I was thrilled to be attending my first concert here at Red Rocks, the infamous ampitheater surrounded by breathtaking and gigantic rocks, an incredible night view of the city skyline and thin-ass air to help maximize the effect of $7 beers.
As I climbed a hill, then the enormous ramp, I wasn't even thinking about the fact that I was sweating like a glass of sweet tea on a hot Alabama afternoon. I was so taken aback by the grandieur of it all, I didn't care that my hair was getting ruined.
I entered excited, and left fulfilled.
The set up was odd, a stage blocking the way of the entrance boasted local and acoustic acts. The mainstage which held big-guns like Devotchka and Vampire Weeekend was easily seen and at the top of the ampitheater, a stage had been set up for hip-hop and electronic acts.
So, I found a seat, smack dab in the middle of it all, grabbed a beer and got ready for the madness.
I won't waste time talking about the bands that didn't stand out to me (in a good or bad way). There are a few that really shone bright, and a few that made me wish I could afford more beer.
Lets start with the bad, and end with the good.
The Bad:
The Fratelli's
Now, I have been a fan of brit-rock for as long as I can remember. Hey, I even like a Fratelli's song, you know, that one catchy iPod commercial tune. No? Meh. If you heard it, you'd recognize it. Besides a red-headed 22 year old going ape-shit next to me, the set was unremarkable, messy and boring. I know they are brits, and not prone to crazy stage antics, but amp it up a little. Basically, they had a stadium full of people just sitting and staring blankly, maybe tapping their toes to the beat.
They sounded like every other brit-rock band out there right now, and I even had to turn to a stranger and ask for confirmation when in more than a few songs, I was sure the Fratelli's were ripping off Social D riffs. And, they totally were. Grade: D+ (and only because of that catchy iTunes jam).
The Mediocre:
Vampire Weekend
Yeah, everyone loves em, wah, wah, wah. I keep thinking to myself that maybe if I give these guys a shot, they will grow on me. But no, they haven't. BUT. Regardless of my bias, they played a decent set. They were tight, on key and engaged the audience. I even found myself singing along to one song. Grade: B-
The Good:
Del tha Funky Homosapien
Now, I am a fan of Del. I appreciate his odd linguistics and his punk-rock brand of hop-hop. He was fun, and made a political statement, even selling :| bama t-shirts, and wearing them on stage himself.
He has a stage presence, but this time the lackluster just wasn't there. It was good, he was solid, but he just wasn't as on as I have seen him be. Maybe I was just bummed when a giant toothbrush didn't walk out on stage for "You gotta brush yo' teef, if ya musty..." Grade: B
Holy F*ck
I have been a convert to the waves of electro-rock invading American eardrums. Holy F*ck were animated, energetic, booming and an awesome alternative to the Fratellis. The second you walked up to the stage area, your hair stood on end and the bass and drums flowing through through your body caused major involuntary ass-shakin', no matter who ya were. The only low light of the set - the annoying little "new-ravers" spazzing out.
Grade: B+
The Awesome:
Cut Copy
Cut Copy was amazing. Their sound has evolved immensely since their days opening for Franz Ferdinand. Their sound has gotten richer and has been polished a bit. Tracks from Ghost Colours were a highlight of my evening, fueled by 80s dance pop and musical kudos to some of my favorite new wave bands like New Order the Pet Shop Boys.
Atmosphere
Now, you may say I am biased here, but Atmosphere were on their game. This is the first time I have seen these hometown heroes outside of the Twin Cities, and I couldn't believe it. The crowd barely fit the second stage area, a wind-storm threatened the set and took Ant's record with it, but Atmosphere stood their ground and tore that shit down.
Slug owned the audience, interacting with them, complimenting his fans, poking fun at himself and the growing popularity of his music. Say what you will about Atmosphere, but Slug's lyrics are perfectly thought out, poetic, beautiful. And last night you could feel his connection with the words, the beats, his band and his audience. It was amazing, and I, who have seen them over 25 times, was seriously impressed.
Grade: A
Devotchka
Devotchka is everyone's darling. This indie/folk oddball has been is a media favorite,has been romantically linked to Natalie Portman and was known for the mass of beard and wavy hair that hid his face from the world. Well, I finally saw him live, and now I understand why he is so critically acclaimed.
Newly shorn, beard free and donning a black satin suit, Devotchka took the stage with an orchestra and horn section. It was stunning. He was dead-on and pitch perfect, his unique voice conjuring up the ghost of Jeff Buckley...
Listening to a Devotchka song is nothing like witnessing a Devotchka show. It was beautiful, the stage light gorgeously, with creepy shadow-puppet shows layered over a live black and white feed. It was show business, and indie rock at its best.
Grade:
A+

Metallica Releases new Album, Featuring Unforgiven III. Sorry Dudes, Still Unforgiven.

Metallica
Death Magnetic
Release Date: September 12th

Let's start with the album art.
Come on dudes. You are Metallica. You couldn't come up with anything better than that?
I know, I know. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but such cliche, unimaginative and uninspired cover art just irks me.
On to the album. Here is my take on it:
Argue if you will, but after all of the huffing and puffing about a back-to-brutal-basics, reborn Metallica, I have held on to an embittered and cynical idea of what audiences will receive from this album. So as I listened to the leaked tracks, I tried my darndest to be fair and unbiased.

Now, it has been four years since the release of their last album (which was utter horse-shit). We all know the glory of Master of Puppets and Ride the Lightening will never occur again.
With a resurgence of appreciation for the metal of yore, and heavy music in general, Metallica has made another album which, at times, shows infantile promise. The album is scattered with metal anthems that last for over 5 minutes, which are heavier than what has been released in the past decade. Kudos for that, but it leaves one feeling that it is just too little, too late for these musical gods of the past.
There are musical moments that seem to be beacons of hope (the beginning of "Broken, Beat, & Scarred") that are unfortunately outweighed by pathetic and fucking weak drumming, trite lyrics and just plain bad singing.
It is definitely the strongest release in years, and saves them from becoming a parody of themselves, but it still manages to be nothing more than mediocre.
Maybe I am simply jaded.
Maybe I was expecting something amazing.
Atleast Metallagher may be reuniting.
But that is supposed to be a secret.
SHHH.

I FOUND IT

You better believe that I searched out Casa Bonita. And here it is, for all your viewing pleasure.
I didn't go in yet, and I don't plan on eating there. I hear it is really bad.
But maybe I need to go get some drinks and watch the divers and acrobats.
Thank you Eric Cartman.

Finally!

Finally, I have made it safely here. I am social networkless and clueless as to where I am going, but I am happy.
It's so surreal and bittersweet.
BUT I am excited.
I find myself longing for things, and people back home already.
I am so lucky to have certain people in my life.
I feel unworthy.
I wish I could share this with the closest and dearest.
I am afraid they may forget me.
Or my memories of them will fade.
Now I am getting way too emotional. :)
Anyhow.
I will begin bloggin' like a mu' fucka tomorrow.
You better believe a Palin rant is in store.
Love and kisses.
J

Moving Sucks

So, I have begun packing for my big move to Denver.
With every washcloth folded, and poster rolled up I seem to remember why I hate moving so much.
And why I will miss so many things about the Twin Cities and the amazing people I have been lucky enough to know here. And even the shitty, horrendous ones.
Wednesday is my last day of work. That means Thursday is dedicated to SERIOUS packing and cleaning.
I dread it.
I dread moving.
I can't wait to move.
I hate getting rid of my clothes.
I detest packing.
I am excited.
I am scared.
I am sad.
I am happy.
And to top it off, I am afflicted by my menses.
Fuck.
I'm doomed to cry.
Well.
Here are some tunes, cheers to Friday. And boo to packing. For you. A playlist.
To pack to. The Kills- "Tape Song"
Whitey- "Wrap it up"
The Avvett Brothers- "Tear Down The House"
Muscles- "Sweaty"
CSS- "Move"
Julieta Venegas- "Eres Para Mi"
The Black Angels- "You on the run"
Rare Earth- "Get Ready"
King Khan and The Shrines- "How Can I Keep You?(Outta Harm's Way"
The Sahara Hotnights- "Hot Night Crash"

Giant Turd Wreaks Havoc on the Swiss

American artist Paul McCarthy's giant inflatable dog turd was blown from its moorings at a museum in Switzerland, tearing down a power line and smashing a window before landing in the grounds of a children's home.
Now that is some shit!
This exhibit, entitled "Complex Shit" is reportedly the size of a house. Installed within is a system that deflates it automatically due to bad weather, that apparently went to crap. (I couldn't help it).
Oh the glory of American art.

Epic battle of Proposition No. 8 Rages on as the Money Builds up

An unbelievable total of nearly $8 million has already been donated from supporters and opponents of California's marriage ban. It's too bad that people can't be more passionate with other issues.

Elf Ears For Thee?

pic courtesy of Geekologie.com
Calling all inhabitants of Middle-Earth aka "your mom's basement." You too can now look like a mystical and majestic elf, without the spendy surgery or stifled laughter of plastic surgeons! Here is how!
1. Find a pair of scissors. The sharper the better. Your sword may be a bit too wide.
2 Clean them shits real good-like.
3. Ask yourself, "Do I really want elf ears?" Because it is kinda, well, you know ... PERMANENT.
4. Cut a triangular chunk out of your upper ear. This would be a good point for your vampire boyfriend to come make out.
5. Sterilize a needle with a torch, or lighter, thread with fishing line, and sew your ear back together in the desired shape.
6. Put some tape around your ear to hold it together and prevent strain on the stitches.
7. Go to the nearest Renaissance Festival and show those glorius ears off, elfy!

Canadians Must Be Watching Too Much American Television.

Photo: John Woods, Canadian Press

This is some crazy shit. As I was getting my morning coffee in the breakroom this morning, the television was on in the background. I heard talk of decapitation, and of course turned around to hear what was going on.
A witness was telling his account of a fellow Greyhound passenger being repeatedly stabbed and then decapitated by the person sitting next to him. The bus was travelling through Manitoba overnight.

RCMP would not confirm the reports, but stated that a "major incident" took place around 9 p.m. Wednesday evening on the bus, as it traveled down the Trans-Canada Highway, heading to Winnipeg from Edmonton.

A man has been taken into custody, but police remained tight-lipped about the case.

The passenger interviewed, told CNN that the attacker had been sitting beside the victim, who was asleep, with his headphones on.

Caton said he heard a "blood-curdling scream" as the man held a "Rambo hunting knife" above the victim.

"He must have stabbed him 50 times or 60 times," said the eye witness.

Can you imagine traveling along, listening to your mp3 player and waking up to that?
In Canada?
Seriously horrifying.

Sexy Foul Mouthed Beast.

Johnny Truant rides Demon Semen like no other.
Watch them perform live at Download.
CLICK ME!

I'm Doing It! Conquering the Hamburger. One Bite at a Time.

I'M FINALLY DOING IT!

Tonight, my friend Hans and I are heading out to the Lion's Tap, where I will be doing my duty as an American - eating a hamburger.
I have not bitten into one of these scary things since I was a wee girl. And to be honest, I am a bit frightened. BUT. Hans assures me that they the Lion's tap has the best hamburgers ever.

Basically, the cow blood is on his hands if I a) PUKE, b) HATE it or c) LOVE IT AND GAIN 20 LBS before I move to Denver.

I know these questions are probably weighing heavily on your mind:
Will she like it?
Can she finish it?
Will she vomit in the parking lot?
What does one wear to such a groundbreaking event in one's life?

Don't worry, friends. I shall update you on my brave leap towards carnivorous epicureanism. I bet you can't wait.

HAMBURGER, The Playlist
Tunes dedicated to sloth and gluttony.
Just in time for the weekend.
Suede- "We Are The Pigs"
The Detroit Cobras - "Outta This World"
Attack in Black- "Hunger of the Young"

Bearded Lady Motorcycle Freak Show, Saturday, July 26

Click on the picture for the Bearded Lady Web site.
COME ONE, COME ALL!

The annual Bearded Lady motorcycle freakshow is going on this Saturday at the 331 Club in NE Mpls. Come visit the madness on the corner of University Ave and 13th Ave NE. Live music, beer, carnival hijinks, and not to mention, Pizza Luce (YUMMY). Party time is at noon and goes until six.
And I will be slinging suds the whole time.
But the fun doesn’t stop there, be prepared for more bands and entertainment at The 331 Club and Ritz Theater throughout the evening.
This years entertainment:
» The Corpse Show Creeps
» The Rockford Mules
» The Evening Rig!!!
» Tim Rally Gold
» The Brass Kings
» Al's Rock-a-Billy Quartet
» Le Cirque Rouge Cabaret & Burlesque
» Miss Honey Combs
» Ballet of the Dolls

Go Ask Alice

The Alice Project—On Exhibit
July 26th, from 7-11pm at the Stevens Square Center for the Arts
$3 Suggested Donation
It was 150 years ago that Lewis Carroll was creating the beloved fable Alice in Wonderland!
Attendees can expect to revel in:
• A maze of giant props and admire Alice inspired art from over a dozen artists
• A game of chess-croquet!
• And of course, my favorite - a bar!

SSCA is located at 1905 3rd Ave S, on the 2nd Floor, above the 3rd Avenue Market. See you there!

I Made You A Mixtape, But I Eated It!

I didn't really eat it. And - really, it's more of a playlist that you can download by clicking on the links. It's hump day. Download this shit and get your grind on.

TO ALL THE BOYS I'VE LOVED BEFORE.

Jay Reatard - "Let It Go"
The Pogues - "A Pair of Brown Eyes"
MGMT - "Indie Rockers"
The Blood Sugars - "Cinderella"
The Rapture - "No Sex For Ben"
Cardigans - "I Need Some Fine Wine and You Need to Be Nicer"
Black Moth - "Roller Disco"
Blood For Blood - "Rock N Roll Song"

GORBACHEV - The Music Video. BIGGER AND RUSSIANIER!

GORBACHEV - The Music Video. BIGGER AND RUSSIANIER!
Russia's history in the form of a zombie movie/metal music video. The video is actually pretty cool. I enjoy the animated Soviet propaganda.
CHECK THIS OUT.
OMG.
Click on this link to view:
http://www.vimeo.com/1223566

"Emos are Rebels", Cry Russian Government Officials

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE GUARDIAN

Russia got rid of the Chechens, then the ethnic Georgians, and then the "maverick journalists." The new "rebels" to be the target of the Ruskies - EMO KIDS!

These pierced lipped, glam haired, black eyelinered rebels have Russia's leader up in arms.

Clueless social conservatives are lumping these little whiners together with skinheads, pushing for heavy regulation of their websites and the banning of goth fashion from schools and government buildings. Hot Topic Russia? EPIC FAIL.
Bands like My Chemical Romance and Dashboard Confessional were introduced in Moscow during 2003. Within weeks, teens with dark lipstick and studded belts were rebelliously hanging out at the All-Russia Exhibition Centre and Pushkin Square.
The bill being passed to ban emo fashion descrives "emos" as 12-16 year-olds with black and pink clothing, studded belts, painted fingernails, ear and eyebrow piercings and black hair with fringes that 'cover half the face'. Emo culture's negative ideology may encourage depression, social withdrawal and even suicide," states the bill. And of couse, they believe young girls are the most vulnerable.
In the UK, emo kids took to the streets to protest their pouty dispositions and their right to wear skin-tight girl pants.
In Russia, dozens of the morose teens marched in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia, holding signs ranging from the hilarious "We're Not A CULT. We are the MCR Army", "to emo - but poignant signs reading "Kill the State in Yourself" and "A Totalitarian State Encourages Stupidity."

Personally, I would have gone after the New Ravers. The rainbow colored leggings and zebra print jeans are starting to get to me.

Bloc Party Singer Attacked by Johnny Rotten's Entourage at Spanish Music Festival.

Backstage at a music festival in Spain this weekend, Sex Pistols legend John Lydon aka "Johnny Rotten", regaled of tales from the glory days. Within 30 minutes, Kele Okereke, of Bloc Party, was bleeding. He claims that he was assaulted by Rotten's entourage and was subjected to a "racist tirade" on Saturday at Barcelona's music festival, Summercase.
According to The Guardian, Okereke, who is Nigerian in descent, claims stated that he was "set upon" by Lydon's crew after a verbal argument, which prompted one of Lydon's friends to tell Okereke: "Your problem is your black attitude." Unfortunately, that doesn't sound too far off from someone that cut his teeth during the aryan glory days of british punk.
The incident was witnessed by more than 50 people, including Ricky Wilson of the Kaiser Chiefs, Minneapolis' Har Mar Superstar and the Foals.
Lydon accuses Okereke of starting the fight and conjuring up racist allegations for publicity's sake.
Okereke said in a statement, "It's not an issue of the physical assault, even though it was an unprovoked attack, it is the fact that race was brought into the matter so readily. Someone as respected and intelligent as Lydon should know better than to bring race into the equation, or socialise with and encourage those who hold such narrow-minded attitudes. I am disappointed that someone I held with such high regard turns out to be such a bigot."
Lydon;s retort: "We are in the middle of a wonderful tour. After 30 years we are achieving a true unity in our audience. They are multi-varied, all ages, all races, creeds and colours. When you are at a festival with bands who are jealous fools, lies and confusion usually follow . . . Grow up and learn to be a true man. When you have achieved as much as I have, come back and talk to me. It's a shame the wonderful world of the media is riddled with nonsense like this."
Oh, who to believe.
In my opinion, Okereke is a mild-mannered, soft spoken man. I cannot imagine him conjuring up such a story.
But I don't wanna believe it.
What a ROTTEN situation.
boo.

Wearing Wife Beater, but Beating his Mum Instead.

Aww man! Christian Bale has been arrested for assaulting his mother.
His mother and sister reported the American Psycho star . Bale, who is in London to attend the European premiere of The Dark Knight, was apprehended by british police at the Dorchester hotel, where the incident is thought to have taken place on Sunday night.
This is disappointing. And to think! I was going to mother his children. He can kiss that goodbye now. Mom-beater.

"My Name is Earl" or is it "My Name is L. Ron 'Creepo' Hubbard?"

"My Name Is Earl" is a television program about karma and redemption, but critics are saying there is an extremely strong tie to the the Church of Scientology. "What goes around, comes around" is an old addage that in my opinion, tends to be true. In fact, I wish more programs had nice, valuable and whole-hearted messages to send out to America's couch potatoes.

"My Name Is Earl" carries the karmic principle throughout each episode, as reformed felon Earl Hickey attempts to make up for past wrongs by facing each ill-act and making things right. But there may be something fishy at the heart of "Earl" if you believe what many critics are saying.

Critics claim there's a heavy influence by the Church of Scientology on the show with jobs for the its members, and a crypto-religious subtext. Silly me, I thought it just a silly show with a pleasant message.
It would blow to be a publicity officer for the Church of Scientology right now. First, there was controversy caused by the Panorama program and the John Sweeney meltdown. Now, there are the allegations about "My Name Is Earl." Not to mention the reprecussions of famous jackasses like Tom Cruise running around.

The connection begins with Earl himself. Actor Jason Lee is a Scientologist, as is show creator Greg Garcia and Ethan Suplee who plays Earl's maybe-retarded brother Randy. Not to mention an ensemble cast and guest appearances featuring the likes of other freaks such as Juliette Lewis. Also down with the Church is Giovanni Ribisi, who plays character Ralph Mariano. Looks like if you are in Hollywood, a church membership may just trump having a union card, fake tits and relevant experience.

Scientologists in Hollywood are nothing new. High profile members include Beck, Kirstie Alley, John Travolta and Priscilla Presley. While there is nothing in its doctrines promoting celebrity, it certainly hasn't shied away from embracing the publicity it gets from it's tinseltown darlings. Were you aware thatCharles Manson is also said to have studied Scientology? Strangely, the Church seem less eager for people to know about that.
They certainly seem to be a touchy bunch, these Scientologsts. People tread warily around them due to their hearty appetite for legal action.

But, I am not jumping to any conclusions. Who doesn't hook their homies up? And it's Hollywood, for christ's sake. Tinseltown has always had cabals, real or imagined. For instance, Spencer Tracy's Irish mafia in the 1930s, or the recent panic about the alleged "gay mafia."

Maybe critics wouldn't be freaking out if "My Name Is Earl" wasn't such a well-received show. Whatever the case, Scientology seems unlikely to shake off the common perception that it is a cult. Are they using creepy commie brainwashing techniques to brainwash already half-retarded television viewers? I don't know. I don't really care.

If you don't like the idea, you can always use your chubby fingers to push the up button on the remote.

MPLS DRUNKEN SPELLING BEE! SATURDAY AT THE 331!

BEE THERE! FREE JAMESON, DRUNK SPELLING, HALF-NAKED SPELLING, HULA HOOPS.
Hosted by Moi.
Of course, it is going to be amazing. So, you should probably "bee" there.
$8 gets you in the game. Every round you advance, you receive a free drink courtesy of Jameson.
21+, of course.
6:30 registration. The game begins at 7 p.m. and goes until around 9 p.m.
Come join the fun, or just watch.
Voyeurism is free!
331 Club, 13th and University, NE MPLS.

PRE-REGISTER HERE:

www.myspace.com/mplsdrunkenspellingbee

or e-mail me

afteralljess@gmail.com

TOXIC AVENGER FAN? TROMAPALOOZA is Saturday!

SATURDAY JULY 19th - July 20

Tromapalooza @ Loring Alley, behind Nick & Eddies

1612 Harmon Place Minneapolis 1pm both days

$10 Live music, famous celebrities, and horrific alcohol consumption will ensue at this 2 day music and film sideshow.

You can meet the President of Troma Entertainment, Lloyd Kaufman, hear live music and be in a video for local band Faggot - who is headlining this awesome fucking festival.

Delight yourself in a vodka sno-cone while you watch flame eating, magic tricks and burlesque. Remember the CLASS OF NUKE EM HIGH? You can take a gander at an original 35mm print.

LINK OF THE DAY

Does your weatherman drink forties and have knuckle rockers?

I didn't think so.

But these guys do. Rake Magazine brings you, my pick for cool link of the day:

DUDE WEATHER

"This goes out to all my underdone, undertongued, monk-lunged frontmen"

ON HEAVY ROTATION:

I cannot get enough of WHY. They make me want to make out with everything. And dance. Good combo!

Listen "why", get it? hahaha.

Seriously though, listen.

WHY- "The Hollows"

WHY will be playing THE TRIPLE ROCK on Sept. 27 with Tobacco.

NAS, "Queens Get The Money"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jess' BADASS Mondays

BADASS of the Week: Ira Glass

Host and Executive Producer, This American Life

Ira Glass started working in public radio in 1978, when he was 19, as an intern at National Public Radio's headquarters in Washington. Over the next 17 years, he worked just about every NPR news show and did just about any and every production job they had. His job experience ranges from tape-cutter, to desk assistant, to newscast writer, to editor, to producer, to reporter and substitute host.
He spent a year in a high school for NPR, and a year in an elementary school, filing every week or two for All Things Considered.

He put This American Life on the air in November of 1995.

He is a vegetarian.

He dated cartoonist Lynda Barry and moved to Chicago in 1989 to be with her.

Barry has written a comic story about the relationship, entitled "Head Lice and My Worst Boyfriend," in her book One! Hundred! Demons!.

He gets my vote for Monday BADASS.

Of Montreal adds new Member. Look like Douchebags. I Still like em.

Of Montreal recently welcomed a new member into the band: Ahmed Gallab, or Sinkane. Sinkane will be working overtime this fall, opening a handful of Of Montreal's Midwest shows, with L.A. noiseniks HEALTH relpacing them at a few West Coast dates.

The band will be jumping the pond for a few dates next month, but will return soon.

Here are the upcoming American tourdates.

St. Louis, MO - The Pageant *10-25 Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue10-26 Milwaukee, WI - Pabst Theatre *10-27 Chicago, IL - The Riviera *10-28 Toronto, Ontario - Queen Elizabeth Theatre10-30 Boston, MA - Orpheum Theatre 10-31 Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory 11-01 Richmond, VA - The National 11-08 Atlanta, GA - The Tabernacle11-11 New Orleans, LA - Howlin Wolf 11-12 Houston, TX - Warehouse Liv11-13 Austin, TX - 507 E. 6th Street11-14 Dallas, TX - House of Blues Dallas11-15 Lawrence, KS - Liberty Hall 11-16 Denver, CO - Ogden Theatre 11-17 Murray, UT - Murray Super Theatre 11-19 Seattle, WA - Showbox So Do 11-20 Portland, OR - Roseland 11-21 San Francisco, CA - Regency Center Grand Ballroom 11-22 Los Angeles, CA - TBA * with Sinkane with HEALTH

Bloc Party's "Mercury" Shoves it all in. And Somehow, it Works.

Based on the giant hype the new Bloc Party track is getting, I'm pretty sure my street cred would be shot if I didn’t post about this.
As a fan of Bloc Party, I have been awaiting this release. From the first of their albums, Silent Alarm, I have been continually impressed by the evolution and depth of Bloc Party. Silent Alarm’s clever references to the Pretenders, Gang of Four were a plus for me. The hard hitting, fast tempos and trebley toned guitars were a nice escape from the bass-heavy garage-influenced indie rock and bouncy brit pop which were invading the airwaves.
A Weekend In The City was decisively calmer, more mature and poetic. It was a gorgeous album - and although I have to now be in a certain mood to turn it on, its songwriting and production remain remarkable.
“Mercury” seems to have a whole slew of things going on within it. It’s no Mars Volta track, but it does seem to be experimental and disheveled.
Maybe it’s a slap in the face to those who reprimanded them for their last commercially viable (but still amazing) album. Maybe it's an ode to all of the ever-so-popular fad of mash-ups. Maybe they are just evolving. Whatever they are doing, it STILL works.
Take a listen and decide for yourself.
After all, I’m just a chesty broad with a keyboard.
Bloc Party- Mercury
courtesy of prettymuchamazing.com

Beat Me Off, Beat You Down.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
FROM:
Jonathan Kunstman
Tallahassee Florida's finest.
"K4RKOV: Man, a hando from freddy madball. that's about as hot a prison rape."
Sent at 11:05 AM

BUTTFUCK BONANZA. BASTARD SAINT, free. Saturday!

SATURDAY JULY 12TH

Bastard Saint@ The Hexagon

2600 27th Ave S Minneapolis9pm / 21+ /

Free

Awesome and local face-melters and buttfuckers, Bastard Saint bring their messy, sludgy, Southern-influenced metalto the Hexagon Bar Saturday night.

You can watch. But don't feed these animals.

They fart.

www.myspace.com/bastardsaint

DIYers. This Weekend Is Zine Fest!

SATURDAY, JULY 12th- 13th
Zine Fest
Steven's Square Center for the Arts 1905 3rd Ave S Mpls
Saturday 11am-5pm & Sunday 11am-4pm
Free
This two day extravaganza devoted to independently published and DIY books (zines). Over 30 exhibitors will be selling and swapping zines. Comide de Food Not Bombs will be provided, and you can peruse vintage Minneapolis zines, hear Mr. Mike of Mt. Holly reminisce about Mpls zine history and watch demonstrations and documentaries. Buy directly from the artists, usually for under 5 bucks, and own your very own piece of DIY pop culture.

Diamond Encrusted Benz

If you're to showcase your ballin' ass wealth in a subtle and tasteful manner, a Mercedes owner in dubai has created the car of your dreams.

This Merceded SL comes complete with diamond encrusted paint, chrome wheels and white fur-lined seating. OBVIOUSLY.

Some good Minneapolis tunes.

The Replacements, Unsatisfied
Dillinger Four, doublewhiskeycokenoice
Evening Rig, City Lights

And with Great Sadness, I say Goodbye.

I am officially moving to Denver.

I will miss Minneapolis.

My heart feels sad.

I have so many wonderful friends here that will always remain my friend, no matter where we are.

So, with that said. All hail Minneapolis.

I love this place.

Current Obsession: Captain Beefheart - Safe as milk.

After shopping my ass off at Sailorjerry.com, I ran across a post, raving about this shit.
Now, I can't seem to get enough of the first Beefheart LP 'Safe As Milk'.
It's unique, bizarre, well written.
Check it out.

You can download it here:
http://blog.sailorjerry.com/mp3/download.php?file=461mp3_01_sure_nuff_n_yes_i.mp3

Barbeque Covered Burglar. MMMM. Saucy!

THE BARBEQUE BANDIT STRIKES.
Police in Appleton, Wisc. arrested a man drenched in barbecue sauce last week after being called to a home for a burglary in progress.
The couple whose house was being burgled, heard whistling coming from their basement.
In true Midwestern form, the man of the house armed himself with a shotgun and headed to the basement, where he found a light on. After turning his the light off, the burglar, COVERED in BARBEQUE SAUCE, asked the resident what he was doing.
After seeing the shotgun, the burglar surrendered without a fight. He explained that he entered the home because he was on the run from the government.
And after being asked about his body being covered in tasty BBQ sauce, the man explained calmly that it was "an urban disguise."
The man was wearing the woman’s jacket and the man’s hat upon arrest.
I hope they weren't white, cause barbeque sauce tends to leave a nasty stain!
Items stolen by the saucy bandit include a can of soda, and a bottle of barbecue sauce.

I love life!

Well, this is lame as shit.

Wisconsin gay couples who marry in California may face harsh penalty

Those who enter into a marriage that's prohibited or declared void in Wisconsin can be fined up to $10,000 and sentenced to nine months in prison.
.
It's a concern for same-sex Wisconsin couples who might be considering a wedding in California, where the state Supreme Court recently legalized gay marriage, according to gay rights advocacy group Fair Wisconsin. However, it's unclear whether those couples would be prosecuted.

In 2006, 59% of Wisconsin voters supported a constitutional amendment that reads: "Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Julaine Appling, chief executive officer of the Wisconsin Family Council, said the statutes are clear and the law should be enforced.

David Buckel, marriage project director for Lambda Legal, says other states have similar laws, but Wisconsin imposes the stiffest penalties. The national group advocates for civil rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people.

"We put the information out there because we're deeply worried about same-sex couples in Wisconsin who may not know about this," Buckel said.

Decisions about whether to prosecute are left to district attorneys.

NASCAR, racist? Are we Really Surprised?

Fired worker files $225 million discrimination lawsuit
A former NASCAR official was fired last year after complaining about "virulently racist harassment, a racially hostile work environment and insidious and pervasive race discrimination reflective of a former, uglier era in our nation's history."
In a lawsuit charging racial and sexual harassment, Mauricia Grant, who worked as a "technical inspector" on NASCAR's second-tier Nationwide Series, says she was constantly taunted with racist nicknames(such as "Nappy Headed Mo," "Queen Sheba," and "Simpleton") and subjected to stereotypes, such as being told she worked "on Colored People Time" if arriving late.
Grant's 40-page lawsuit, filed in June, details 20 pages of e-mails, text messages, and racist and/or sexist comments directed at her. Grant was NASCAR's sole black female official when hired in January 2005.
This sucks, but for some reason, does not suprise me at all. Nascar is a southern, redneck, confederate flag waving sport. Now my half-wit, Puerto-Rican, womanly brain hopes that maybe this lawsuit will change that. Even a little bit.
Maybe the decal stickers of Calvin pissing will be replaced by pink triangles, peace signs or even a darwin fish. Can you imagine the tazmanian devils replaced by Obama '08 stickers?
I don't think that is happening in my lifetime. But maybe.
Thoughts?

Don't miss this Exhibit.

"Together in Darkness"

Michigan-based photographer Stefan Peterson has made a career of photographing rock and roll. Around since the mid-90s, Peterson has his latest exhibit at the American Swedish Institute through August 3.
2600 Park Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612.871.4907.

“Together in the Darkness,” is made of photos he took while documenting rock in Sweden.

To view a slideshow of Peterson's work, go to
http://www.citypages.com/slideshow/view/94696/2?play=true

Did You Know Brando Boffed James Dean?

Check this site out.
Hours of fun.
www.whosdatedwho.com

Crafting Nerds! July is "How-to" Month!

And www.Etsy.com is hosting online seminars for free.

Here is the class schedule.
Remember pals!
To create is to live!

Monday July 7th - 4pm to 8pm - Craft Night Tutorial: Origami
Tuesday July 8th - 7pm - Applique with Anda
Wednesday July 9th - 5pm - Beaded Earrings with MaryMary
Thursday July 10th - 5pm - Screenprinting with Matt
Friday July 11th - 11am - Metal Etching with Daniellexo
Monday July 14th - 4pm to 8pm - Craft Night Tutorial: Cupcake Night!
Tuesday July 15th - 7pm - Envelope Pillow with Anda
Wednesday July 16th - 7pm - Bath and Body Labeling & Legalities with Mary Helen
Thursday July 17th - 6pm - Beginner Sewing with HeyMichelle
Friday July 18th - 10am - Intro to Metalsmithing with Daniellexo
Saturday July 19th - 2pm - Paper Puppets with Crankbunny
Monday July 21st - 4pm to 8pm - Craft Night Tutorial: Making Stencils
Tuesday July 22nd - 5pm - Incredible Shrinking Plastic with IHeartMustaches
Wednesday July 23rd - 8pm - Setting up a Jewelry Torch with Daniellexo
Thursday July 24th - 4pm - Workshop with Kayte aka loveforever
Friday July 25th - 4pm - Glass Etching with MissBatch
Monday July 28th - 4pm to 8pm - Craft Night Tutorial: Fabric Dying
Tuesday July 29th - 7pm - Card Making with SaraWearsSkirts
Wednesday July 30th - 7pm - Fiber Workshop with Kim
Thursday July 31th - 5pm - Making Paper Boxes with MaryMary
www.etsy.com/storque/section/events/article/live-how-tos-for-all-of-july/2017

RANT. Ian Curtis, Joy Division singer's grave stone stolen.

What the fuck? Who would do that!
Steal a headstone? This reminds me of when I went to visit Jim Morrison's grave in Paris. It smelled of piss and garbage, was full of trash and graffiti. If you respect someone enough to visit their final resting place (granted Morrison's body no longer lies there) why would you pee on it? I think the only gravestone that would be appropriate to piss on is probably R. Kel's, but hey. It'd be like pouring a little out for the homies.
Random though. I wonder what Hitler's grave looks like? I'd condone weeing, deficating and vomiting. Fo' sho.

Speaking of Which . . . Sam Riley for Burberry. Swoon.

Did Ian Curtis rise from the grave to pose for Burberry’s latest fall 2008 campaign?

Nope. It's my new boyfriend Sam Riley, who acted as Ian in CONTROL.

Once again in black and white, here he is posing for burberry with fresh faced Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Maybe film and fashion can still amalgamate to become more than its parts.

CONTROL. The movie.

So last Sunday, I spent the better part of my day drooling over this movie and asking myself how suicidal tendencies can be so sexy.
I am, and have been a huge fan of Joy Division. Ian Curtis’ lyrics have always been some of my favorites. The music itself is disheveled, intense, passionate, dark and extremely passionate.
Regardless, whether or not you are a fan of Joy Division, CONTROL is a movie worth watching. It’s emotional, engaging, full of good music. Not to mention the artistry of the actual cinematography itself.
For a little background on Anton Corbjyn’s 2007 CONTROL, read below …
Otherwise, go rent it. No, go buy it. It’s worth owning.
I give it five out of five tacos.
From Wikipedia.com
Control is Anton Corbijn’s 2007 black-and-white biopic about the late Ian Curtis (1956–1980), lead singer of post-punk band Joy Division. The screenplay written by Matt Greenhalgh is based on the book Touching from a Distance, by Curtis’s widow, Deborah, who is also a co-producer of the film.
The film details the life of the troubled young musician, who forged a new kind of music out of the punk rock scene of 1970s Britain, and the band Joy Division, which he headed from 1977 to 1980. It also deals with his rocky marriage and extramarital affairs, as well as his increasingly frequent seizures, which were thought to contribute to the circumstances leading to his suicide on the eve of Joy Division’s first U.S. tour.
The title is a reference to the Joy Division song, “She’s Lost Control“—believed to be a reference to an epileptic client befriended by Curtis while employed at a Job Centre in Manchester, who later died during a seizure.[1]
The film premiered at the Cannes Film Festival, on 17 May 2007 where it was well received by critics, especially for Sam Riley’s performance.[2] The film was winner of the Director’s Fortnight, the CICAE Art & Essai prize for best film, the Regards Jeunes Prize for best first/second directed feature film and the Europa Cinemas Label prize for best European film in the sidebar.[3] It won five awards in the British Independent Film Awards, including “Best British Independent Film”, “Best Director of a British Independent Film” for Corbijn and “Most Promising Newcomer” for Riley.[4] It also won Best Film award in the Evening Standard British Film Awards for 2007. In 2008, writer Matt Greenhalgh won BAFTA’s “Carl Foreman award for special achievement by a British director, writer or producer in their first feature film”.[5]

" Convoluded," a short story

Convoluted. The word which got me kicked out of the fifth grade city spelling bee. I had made it so far and there stood that damn word. "Convoluted".
The giant orange blockade in the middle of my road to spelling excellency. A supremacy among all other Minneapolis nerds shattered by a word whose very meaning means "complex" "intricate" and yes "TORTUROUS."
Insufficiently confident and cocky, I opened my mouth and began to spell this demon word. C-O-N-V-O-L-U-D-E-D.
So sure i was going to kick the snot out of the rich kids from the South side, I was going to do my blue collar neighborhood right.
Bring home the bacon.
The shining, towering, and eagle-crested spelling trophy.
I could already see it in my school's display case. Dawning a picture of me, already developed, awkward- smiling with crooked teeth. And as my daydreams began to take flight, i heard the judge utter so loud and harshly "INCORRECT!"
I couldn't believe it. My jaw must have been at my chest. "What?" I snottily asked as the other kids jeered and pointed in my direction. "The correct spelling is C-O-N-V-O-L-U-T-E-D."
I shook. Embarassed. Angry. Futile. I couldn't think of anything else to do, except lie. "Excuse me judge, you must have misheard me. That is exactly how I spelled it. Honest!"
All of a sudden, a faint wave of whispers rose from the scarce and terribly bored audience. Scandal! At last! The spelling bee was getting interesting. Unfortunately, my mother was one of those bored, glazey-eyed audience members. Now, to this day- I have the feeling my mother knew I was lying. I cannot say for certain, but I am willing to bet a good $50 on it.
I began giving the 11 year old "I swear!" face and looked the judge straight into the eye. Now, I have never been a good liar, nor will I be. In fact, I am a laughable liar. Always stuttering, looking to the left, getting jerky- your text book type, you know. But on that very day, I was lying like I would never lie again. A professional. I had the cold gaze of my uncle, the lawyer, the quivering lip of my little 3rd grade sister and the cupped hands of Mother Theresa.
The judge immediately questioned my statement. "Miss Colon. This is the city-wide spelling bee. Any dishonesty will be severely punished." A wave of nervousness ran down my body. I knew I was going to keep lying, even though I could hear myself screaming "DON'T!" but I did. "I know, judge. But I, I swear. Now, my mother had began walking to the front of the auditorium. I couldn't tell if she was going to backhand me or walk up and give the old judge a whack in his smarty-pants mouth.
"My daughter spelled that word correctly judge." Stated my mom to the agitated old man. "Ma'am, I am certain I heard the letter D as opposed to the letter T."
"She has a speech impediment! Her teeth are crooked. Look at her! She needs braces. Terribly!" Screamed my mom as I stood, self conscious and ready to submit to embarrassment and tears.
The kids behind me were kicking chairs and letting out gasps of utter disbelief as i stood under the blaring stage lights. Number 17 taped to my chest.
A piece of wadded up paper flew past my head and athen a pencil was flung and stuck in my hair. I wanted to yell "Uncle!" "I lied!" But it was too late. My mom and the judge were arguing, she wasn't going to back down.
And then, the second judge, a sprat old lady with blue permed hair made the most disgusting sound ever, clearing her throat after a millenium of smoking Pall Malls and drinking whole milk.
"Hrwweajehagggghhemmm!" The phlegmy lady exclaimed. "I believe this tape recorder holds the truth."
"Lets give it a listen then," barked my mother.
At this point, I could have very well peed my pants and blocked it from my memory. It was sheer horror. Agony. My falsities were going to be exposed in front of the biggest nerds in the city. And worst of all, my mother- who scared the crap out of me when she was mad, would know. And I would be grounded, dead, fifth grade meat.
Old blue-hair went and rewound the tape too far. Then not far enough. I was slowly dying inside. My mother stood, hands on her hips, not giving in to the threat of the recorded utterings.
And with sheer perfection and mother-like grace, my mom turned to the stage, reached out her hand and said "Let's get out of here! This is taking too long. We know you won and no one can deny it, not you (pointing to the blue hair) and NOT YOU- (pointing at the old man). Let's go champ. You'll get a damn trophy whether its from here or not!"
And we walked out of the auditorium, runny noses and snarly haired heads turning to watch our "walk de triumph" as my mother would later call it. She steadily drug me along. Fast, steady, proud. No one was going to call her kid a liar!
Except her.
When we got into our old, rusted oldsmobile cutlass she turned to me and said, "Never pull that one again. Or you're grounded."
and we drove off silently into the spring night never to use the word C-O-N-V-O-L-U-T-E-D again.

I am searching for the marvelous

"Ordinary life does not interest me, I am searching for the marvelous."
-Anaïs Nin
Brilliant.
I shall heed that statement from now on.
I am finished with the pointless and mundane.
I shall scream out "Give me unreasonable beauty, sticky sweet anomalies, inexplicable joy and the bravery to commit to small changes that inspire me," at least once a week, when no one is around.

better late than never . . .

better late than never
I am a 29-year-old editor by day. Hobby musician, avid reader, fancy-dancin’, whiskey drinkin lady. Here you will find a mixture of topics including music, cooking, literature, dirty jokes, politics, tattoos, inebriation and the like. A mix of classy and midwestern girl, this blog is what I am all about.
I’m new to the world of blogging, but the whole point of this is to talk about everything that makes my crazy, awesome, fucked-up, busy, insane and beautiful life worth living.
So here goes my first try.
x.
Jess